Emotional support water bottle era

It’s funny how a thing BECOMES A THING isn’t it.

Like I remember the exact moment wearing sunglasses and carrying around a water bottle in high school became the COOL THING to do, so then EVERYONE had to be seen walking around wearing sunglasses and carrying around a water bottle.

(Mind you, it was plastic, cost $1 from the canteen and came with flavoured water inside. Ahh 2004, when we hadn’t even heard of the cossie crisis or recyclable plastics.)

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Anyway, SOMEHOW, after years of running around playgrounds in the heat of day and forgetting to even drink water, we suddenly became socially and emotionally dependent on water bottles overnight, and TBH that hang up has never let up.

So here I am, 19 years later, writing an article about the hottest (but like coldest) water bottles I’m thirsting after. Because you know that thing about needing to have the coolest thing?

Yeh, real life is just like high school.

Image: Memobottle.

Holy moley, it’s like someone just went out and redesigned the wheel!

I am seeing these rectangular shaped flat water bottles everywhere at the moment and I CANNOT STOP thinking about how damn practical they are. Like you could just slide one of these bad boys right on into your handbag like a book. A friggen book. HOW HAS NOONE THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE?

A5 Memottle & Silicone Sleeve, $84

Image: Frank Green.

Type ‘emotional support water bottle’ into Google and lemme tell you, THERE IS ONLY ONE ANSWER.

The Frank Green ceramic reusable bottle is so iconic that I didn’t even need to finish my sentence before a multitude of websites appeared, linking to these infamous flasks.

It’s the pastel colours that get me. I know we’ve come a long way from the mid-2000s-everything-must-come-in-mint-green phase, but my god, I need one of those sweet-coloured bottles in my life. With its matchy-matchy lid, and the giant metal sound of it clunking onto a desk, it’s THE bottle to have.

Without it, I’m the only loser at Pilates without one.

Frank Green Ceramic Reusable Bottle with Straw Lid, $59.95

Image: Hydro Flask.

Move over, Frank Green. The professionals have arrived.

“The Hydro Flask is the way to go,” a colleague told me and instantly I WAS SOLD. (In case you can’t tell by now, I’m easily influenced. Shocking, I know).

Packing quality and style, according to rave reviews, this is the product to purchase. Especially if you want your contents to stay cold for up to 24 hours. (But, really girlies, you should be downing that water a lot quicker).

Although heck, with its “wide mouth” you could even throw in some ice cubes if you fancy, then just flip the lid to sip.

Hydro Flask, Wide Mouth with Flex Straw Cap, $79.95

Image: Corkcicle.

There wasn’t even an explanation with this recommendation. Just a link. And I felt that deeply, because this trend setter clearly doesn’t need an introduction.

Boasting an angular exterior, the Corkcicle is more than just a funny word. It’s a thing of beauty. And with a stainless steel structure, these show-stoppers don’t just come in pastels and ombré (which they do, FYI, and they’re called Unicorn Magic, which makes me want them even more) but there is a whole Disney Range! And Toy Story! And Star Wars!

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Meanwhile, hold the phone because they even come in — I kid you not — a “Series A Sport Jug”. A JUG. Boasting capacity for 1.9 litres of your favourite fluid, this baby is designed for “extra thirsty adventurers” to keep them “going through it all” (whatever that is).

Corkcicle Series A Sport Canteen, $71.96

Image: Joseph Joseph.

OMG, gimme something chic AND practical and I’m all yours.

With its adorable twisty lid, the Joseph Joseph Loop bottle is the greatest ever option for those who think they can get all of their Coles shopping bags inside in one go.

Its clever design features a huge hook giving you plenty of access and efficiency when you’re also lugging around keys, your purse and even the dog lead at the same time.

Joseph Joesph Loop Water Bottle, $34.97

Image: Oasis.

Woweee, I came across this cutie and I can’t stop thinking about her because with a name like strawberry tumbler’ how could I not?!

Okay, so she won’t keep my bevvie cold ALL DAY but god she’d be fun to shop with. I could even take her to work.

Oasis Double Wall Smoothie Tumbler With Straw, $13.97

Image: Big W.

“Don’t come for me, but I love my Smash bottle just as much as my Frank,” another colleague told me before going on (and on) about its “squishy” lid.

I had to do some digging. Immediately.

Ahh, a Big W classic, I thought to myself, scrolling down the page for the ‘Stealth 1L drink bottle’. (See, emotional support water bottles don’t need to cost more than a meal out.)

But how does it work?, I asked my desk neighbour who then proceeded to liken the product’s twist top to a…teat.

“I think it’s the teat that brings me the most comfort,” she exclaimed, “and it makes me drink so much water.”

You do you, boo.

Smash Stealth1L Drink Bottle, $5

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